I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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