You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
