The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
