We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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