So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
