so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
