So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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