yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
