Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize