Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
