Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We got so high we made milksteak
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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