First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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