They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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