I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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