how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
