even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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