haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
