She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
