This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize