Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We got so high we made milksteak
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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