just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
