my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
