I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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