I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
