I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
