Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
