Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
