I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
try to milk me bitch
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
