the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
