i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
