dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
