woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
