How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
