Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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