I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
