Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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