I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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