I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
