I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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