yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
