Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize