in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
