There was a lot of him and a little penis
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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