Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
