so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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