If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
