Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
