the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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