my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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