Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
