I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
