sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize