I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
