I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
