The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
