a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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