Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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