You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
