someone get that fucking seahorse.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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