its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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