is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
