Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
