My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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