Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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