DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
