hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
