Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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