His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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