Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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