i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You dont lie about slip and slides
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
