my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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