I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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