come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
