I wish I could punch you in the face.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
