oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Enjoy the penises
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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