Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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