I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
