she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
