Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
