SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize