Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize