Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize