My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
