i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
try to milk me bitch
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
