Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
