My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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