jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
