I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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