Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
