Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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