I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
