So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
