and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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