this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
