You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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