I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
