Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
