U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
