I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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