I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
