thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
