When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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