That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
