bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
