Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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