I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
