Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
