All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
