tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
