It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
