You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
