you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
