I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
