I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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